Too Hot To Handle

I've sweat a lot in the past two days. First from walking around the hot, sticky streets and subways of Manhattan. Second, from the heat yoga class I tried tonight. After feeling like I lived in a sauna for two days, I've come to realize that there is a strong distinction between a good sweat and a very bad sweat.

The sweat I experience in the heat of New York is definitely the bad sweat. The second I step off the Metro-North train, I can feel the heat prickling at my skin with the blast of hot, stale air from the train tracks. This thin film of moisture grows exponentially as I enter the subway. The air is thick with body odor, trash, and God knows what else. People are everywhere, turning left and right, bumping into you as you wait for the train. By the time the subway arrives, it's hard to tell how much sweat is your own and how much is sweat rubbed off from other people. Ew. You would think the AC in the subway car brings a wave of relief, but it only causes me more anxiety. With the sudden change in temperature, I realize how sweaty I actually am. I feel the growing sweat stain on my back and my thighs stick to the plastic seat. The more I think about how disgusting I feel, the more I continue to sweat. Finally, the subway arrives at my destination and I rush to get some "fresh" city air (what an oxymoron). By the time I have escaped the oppressive hell that is the subway, I am now sweating even MORE from hustling as fast as I can and carrying all my belongings. The air outside does feel much better and breathable, but not for long. As I walk along the sidewalks I feel an occasional drip of dirty water from an air-conditioner above. Or a heavy, dirty blow of air from a passing truck. Or a sudden gust of hot air rushes up my skirt from the passing subway below--this is no doubt the WORST sensation. By the time I've reached my destination, whether it be meeting a friend or yet another "informational interview", I feel so awful and defeated that I just want to strip naked and stand under a cold shower forever. Like I said: bad sweat.

Now for the good sweat. I do enjoy sweat when it is appropriate. There is something so empowering and detoxifying about a good sweat. I love wiping the perspiration off my face after a good workout. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. The sweat is a sign that I have done something good for my body. I am able to appreciate the biological purpose of sweat: to cool our bodies. (It is very hard to appreciate this process when heading into an interview, your thighs are sticking together, sweat is still sticking to your hairline, and all you want to do is strip naked and jump in a pool).

My shot at heat yoga tonight is a perfect example of a good sweat. I've been looking to switch up my exercise routine for a while now, so my mom and I started taking some pilates/yoga classes at a studio recommended by her yogi friend. So what a better way to switch it up than try heat yoga! The room was heated to about 95 degrees. Today it was extra "juicy", as the teacher described, due to the heat outside. But even in the heated room, I never once felt suffocated or oppressed. In fact, the heat felt quite liberating--both mentally and physically. I was able to stretch beyond my normal limits and hold positions that I've never done before. With each bead of sweat that dripped off my body and onto my yoga mat, I felt the weight of my endless job search drip out as well. With each breath and posture, I was able to take another worry or thought out of my head and put it in a box for later. I realized there was nothing I could do about finding a job or making money at that exact moment. The only thing I could do right then is breathe and focus on the movements. Of course a couple hours later, I am back to browsing jobs online, but for those 75 minutes I was able to truly appreciate this emptying sensation and the present moment.

But no matter how you slice it, good sweat or bad sweat, it still feels so good to shower in the end.

Dancin' With Myself

Last night's Ke$ha and Rihanna concert was UnReAl!! Rihanna put on quite the show--6 different outfits, several set changes, great backup dancers, and too many songs to count! But beyond the great spectacle of it all, Rihanna's talent undoubtedly shined through. She can still belt it and bust a move, even in the sweltering heat of the lights (our seats were so close that we could see the sweat on her face!). She has such a unique edge to her voice and her entire style. No one else can quite pull off the flashy red bowl cut, long silver nails, funky unitards, and MASSIVE bejeweled boots like Rihanna. Over the years, she has developed a style that is truly her own. Just like the "Rachel" from the early 90's, the "Rihanna" is now a hairstyle we've all come to know and love.

I've always admired Rihanna for her amazing style and trendsetting abilities. But what hooked me from the beginning is her catchy, fun, empowering music. I loved singing and dancing along to "Pon de Replay" whenever I heard it on the radio in the car. By the time "S.O.S" came out, I was much more aware of Rihanna as an artist. By the release of her album "Good Girl Gone Bad" I was a self-proclaimed fan. "Umbrella", "Don't Stop the Music", and "Shut Up and Drive"

all played on repeat while working out at the gym, getting ready to party, or even walking to class. I still get excited whenever I hear "Disturbia".

The songs off her more recent album "Rated R" are definitely edgier, less poppy, more rockish, and a lot more raunch. Although I'm definitely still a fan, nothing quite gets me moving like "Disturbia" and some of her earlier songs. There is something so infectious about her music that you really can't help but shimmy along.

This is how I come to find my favorite artists: those whose music I never get sick of, can always dance to, and pick me up no matter what mood I'm in. (Other such artists/performers are Britney Spears and all songs from "Glee"). I will never be able to pull off Rihanna's hair, bejeweled boots, or metallic fake nails; but at least her music makes me feel like I can dance like a rockstar.

Says Who?

Our lives are governed by laws and rules. From speed limits to laws against gay marriage, there are rules that determine what is good/moral/acceptable and what is wrong/immoral/unacceptable. But even more intricate and complex than these written laws are the unwritten ones: the social norms and codes that shape our behaviors and beliefs, which ultimately manifest in these laws and rule books.

Earlier on a walk today, my brother and I got to talking about social rules. Where they come from; why they stay in place; and why they are so hard to break. For example, when you are walking down a quiet street and someone else walking his dog passes by, it is polite to acknowledge him and say hello. To keep your head forward and pretend to ignore him would be rude and awkward. But if you are walking down an aisle in the supermarket or pass someone in the mall, it would be strange to say hello. What's the big deal? Why would saying hello to a perfect stranger in the mall be seen as weird or deviant? It's perfectly friendly.

Or if you are in an elevator and someone else gets on, you do not stand in the same place, but move over to create enough space between you and the other individual. You both stare at the ground, flip through your phone, or stare at the number of floors until you depart. It would be extremely uncomfortable and awkward if you were to stand close to the other person in an empty elevator, or God forbid, look at him and start a conversation.

But who says? What is so wrong with being close to strangers saying hello? I could go into a whole rant about how American capitalism and our "rugged individualism" has destroyed genuine social bonds in society. How people only form relationships and invest in them when it personally benefits them. BUT, I will spare you that sociological debate for another time...

I just find it so interesting to take a step back and reflect on all the tiny social rules we so adamantly follow on a daily basis. Unwritten social rules define normality and conformity; any stray from the norm is viewed as deviant. These social rules prevent us from acting on impulse: from not breaking out into song in the middle of the street, to not burping out loud in the line at Starbucks. They stop us from acting on our true desires and feelings. What would the world be like if we told everyone what we actually were thinking? (Has anyone seen The Invention of Lying? A very clever and witty movie, but I'm not sure society would really be able to function if everyone always told the truth).

The only place where most social rules are void is New York City. You never know what you will see here. Hearing someone singing in the street or burping in line is totally normal. This is another interesting thought: different social rules for different places?...

Laws help us determine innocence and justice; but social rules are what truly create order in our everyday lives.

Cheater, Cheater, Brownie Eater

Sitting around on this dark, stormy afternoon I felt a craving coming on...Chocolate, of course! Now how to satisfy this craving?...Brownies, duh! What a better way to entertain yourself on a gross day than staying dry inside and baking. Only problem...I'm not the world's best baker. It takes too much precision, detail, and planning. I like to experiment, play with ingredients, and ratios. I'm much more free form in the kitchen. But I made up my mind. Brownies, it was. And I would find a way to make them!

I saw an episode of Barefoot Contessa recently when she made these ENORMOUS peanut butter swirl brownies. They looked absolutely divine and worth about 10 pounds--the recipe calls for 4 sticks of butter (hello, heart attack!!). I looked up the recipe on foodnetwork.com, and not only do I not have half the ingredients, but it also has SOO many steps! I just want a brownie, I don't need a Michelangelo!

So I found a recipe from Giada for espresso brownies. The best part is, it uses instant brownie mix from the box! I know it's cheating, especially for someone who claims to love cooking, but if Giada does it, it must be okay, right?? In a matter of minutes I had the batter and espresso glaze made. Rather than slaving over the kitchen counter, melting chocolate and sifting ingredients, I can sit here, relax, write, and breathe in the wonderful smell of my half-ready-made espresso brownies. I am a little nervous to taste them, considering they were only from the box; but you really can't go wrong with chocolate, can you?

You can sit there and judge me for being too lazy to bake real brownies. But while you're judging, I'll be enjoying my gooey chocolate treats. Sometimes taking the shortcut is the best way to go. And when that shortcut involves eating, I don't mind a little cheating!

Spooked!

Well, not really. More like briefly entertained. My mom and I just finished watching "The Crazies". It is new to On Demand, and if you have not yet heard of it that is probably because it has been out on DVD longer than it was in theaters. Long story short, it was not good. The whole premise is a biological weapon that the US "accidentally" dumped in a small town in Iowa. The weapon spreads a virus that causes people to go crazy and kill each other. It was similar to "The Happening", which came out a few years ago and also was not very good. The movie was definitely entertaining though--my mom and I had a few good laughs at its ridiculousness, and we covered our eyes several times from all the blood and guts. But was it actually scary? No.

Although I must say that I am quite picky when it comes to scary movies. Few movies truly frighten me to the core and leave me lying awake with the lights on at night. Especially in recent years horror movies have become less and less scary, and more and more stupid. Over-the-top special effects and futuristic story lines are just too ridiculous to be believable. ("Paranormal Activity"? It was painful to watch; it was THAT bad.) For me, what makes a good scary movie is one that could actually happen; it is realistic. Movies about ghosts and zombies, while maybe thrilling in the moment, do not hang over me after its end. I can leave, take a deep breath, and sleep soundly at night knowing that zombies don't actually roam the streets at night. Movies about mind games and serial killers...now those freak me out. "Silence of the Lambs" and "The Shining"...I'm getting spooked just thinking about them now!

I never understood why some people hate scary movies. I love the thrill and the excitement of it! But I guess my love for scary movies is a bit atypical (why would anyone want to be scared by something that could actually happen?). When I was young, my imaginary friend was Casper, albeit, the Friendly Ghost. As a two year-old my favorite movie was "The Wizard of Oz" (watching it now, I'm surprised I was never frightened by the wicked witch or those creepy-looking monkeys). I loved Are You Afraid of the Dark on Nickelodeon, and I was an avid reader of R.L. Stine's Goosebumps series. I loved to play with the Ouija board at sleepovers, and have been to a psychic several times. Sophomore year of high school I even wrote a research paper about ghosts.

I'm not sure where my interest in the supernatural and the spooky comes from. I am not a risk taker or very adventurous. I generally follow the rules and abide by speed limits. So I guess these scary movies pique my curiosity and allow me to be "adventurous" in the safety of my own home. I may not be willing to take a risk or seek a thrill in the real world, but when it comes to scary movies, I am a world-class skydiver! I love a good spook now and then, as long as I know I can sleep soundly at night.

Simple Little Things

After Giada on the Food Network, Samantha Brown from the Travel Channel has the job I most covet. She gets PAID to travel all over the world, stay in hotels--from the luxurious, to the funky--, and samples all sorts of gourmet and local cuisine.

I’ve always been drawn to her quirky energy and fun narration. Even when I was younger, my sister and I would watch Samantha’s first show, in which she traveled to various hotels in the U.S. There was always something so exciting in picturing ourselves staying in these fancy hotels, even though we were only kids.

This exhilaration stays with me years later, as I watch Brown’s new Asia series. Her bubbly and approachable personality makes you feel like you are getting your hands dirty with the locals—tonight she actually cooked pork on the side of the street with a woman in Hanoi (so cool!) I love to imagine myself walking the street markets, coolly narrating the scene, making friends with the locals, and getting paid for it at the same time!

While it is fun to daydream, I am not sure that I could actually go through some of her adventures. I definitely love to travel, but the biggest risks I am willing to take are with food. I still like to come back to a clean hotel with American TV

channels at night. The overnight train from Prague to Zurich I took on my European trip this summer is about as far as I will go when it comes to roughing it like a true traveler. Call mehigh maintenance, but I just call it having limits.

Studies show that people experience more excitement and pleasure in planning a vacation, than actually experiencing it. This makes some sense—the build up and the anticipation give you something to look forward to everyday. But how depressing! You spend all this time and money planning and traveling, only to not feel as happy or satisfied once you are actually there?

Perhaps this is a fault of our on-the-go American society. Everything is about efficiency, planning for the future, maximizing profits and time. We rarely take the time to soak in the present moment and enjoy the simple pleasures of everyday life—a glass of wine, a crisp breeze, a sunset. These simplicities are often overlooked by deadlines and to-do lists. I am certainly at fault for this. As I anxiously search for jobs and worry about my future, I am unable to enjoy the luxury of doing absolutely nothing everyday (everyone tells me to enjoy it now, because this will never happen again).

Unfortunately I am not Giada or Sam Brown, and very few of us are lucky enough to have a career that allows us to be paid to enjoy life’s pleasures. But maybe--if even for a minute a day--we can all rebel against the American work ethic that is so engrained in our psyche, and savor something so wholly in that moment (a good cup of coffee, an old song on the radio) we can all pretend we’re hosts on our own travel or cooking show.

Ch-Ch- Ch-Changes

August 1st.

The month of August has always brought mixed feelings for me. It's still summer, but the days are numbered until school starts. There's a sense of urgency as each day passes and the countdown begins. The sun already begins to set earlier, and the energetic heat of July evolves into a more relaxed, hazy air.

My younger brother has begun the race to finish his 4 summer reading books before the start of school. My sister has already started back-to-school shopping and collecting new things for her dorm. Today, one of my good friends left for med school, and another good friend left to move into her new apartment and start working in New York.

Things are changing. The weather, the length of days, the places people live, and the things they do. And yet I feel stuck in this vacuum of the unknown. It is very strange and discomforting to see everyone picking up, moving around, and starting new lives. People are preparing to go back to school, and I am preparing for...I have no idea.

I always look forward to the fall as a time for new beginnings, fresh starts, and exciting changes. But now that it's August, I feel that sense of urgency around me, but not within me. People are bracing themselves for a new school year, a new life, but I have no idea where I will be or what I will do in the coming months.

I am not the type of person who does well with the unknown. I like to have a plan. I like to know what I'm doing tomorrow and 2 months from now. But so much is out of my control right now. I am trying as hard as I can to find a job, but I cannot control this economy and the lack of opportunities out there. It drives me CRAZY when I send out 10 emails a day, and hear back from every single person that there are no job openings now.

But maybe my new beginning and my changes for fall won't be in the form of a new apartment or a new job. Maybe my new beginning will be more abstract: a different way of thinking. Coming to accept the unknown, giving up control over every aspect of my life, and being excited by not knowing where I will be tomorrow or 2 months from now. Who knows if I'll actually be able to change my outlook, but it's worth a shot!