Big Girls Don't Cry

For someone who loves variety and spontaneity in my food, I sure do not enjoy change in the rest of my life. Transitions have never come easily to me. They stress me out and make me anxious. I hate the feeling of not knowing what tomorrow will bring. I like to have a schedule and feel settled in my environment. I seek comfort and security in the little routines of everyday life. So when these routines are upset, my mind goes into a whirlwind of panic and distress. This may sound dramatic, and it probably is, but it literally feels like my head is spinning out of control as I worry about every minute detail of my new setting.

Going away to college never got easier for me. As much as I looked forward to seeing my friends, nothing could top the comfort of home. I was usually fine once I got back into the swing of things, but that initial transition between home and school was always difficult.

Here I am, graduated from college, and finding myself in another transition period. Not going back to school for the first time in 20 years is a transition in itself; but this weekend I also moved to New York to start an internship in the city. I am staying with family outside the city, so I don't have to worry about rent and bills yet. But already I am stressing about where to park my car, not knowing how long my commute will be, not knowing my general surroundings. Not having internet was also driving me crazy, until after a $30, 30 minute phone conversation I finally had working internet on my computer!

You see, it's all these little things that get under my skin in times of transition. I'm a big girl now and should be able to figure these things out without it being such a big deal. I know that everything always works out eventually. The world isn't going to end if I don't have a set routine for a little while. So on top of this transition being an opportunity to pursue my job search, it's also a chance for me to work through my transition phobia. Time for me to suck it up and grow up. New York, here I come!